Wheels Coming Off

I have heard this phrase: "the wheels came off." For some reason, it's been running through my head as I try to juggle workouts and work and my flagging energy.

Here are the paradoxes currently making me crazy:

1) To get up hills faster, drop weight.
2) To drop weight, eat more protein.
3) To have the energy to get up the hills, eat more carbs.
4) Eat more carbs, gain weight, get slower on hills.

1) To lose weight---and get healthier and faster---stop eating refined sugar and junk food.
2) To not bonk, eat hammer gel, salted nut rolls, pretzels, and flat coke...the more glucose the merrier.
3) Eat a good diet on normal days, a sugar diet on race days.
4) Race as you train, train as you race.

1) To avoid dehydration, drink lots of water.
2) To avoid stomach issues on the swim, go to fluid carbs.
3) Drink lots of water and fluid carbs before the swim, and get swim-induced pulmonary edema.
4) Don't drink before the swim, get dehydrated.
5) Don't eat before the swim, bonk.
6) Eat before the swim, get indigestion.
7) Don't swim, get indigestion from not following plan.

1) I rode my commuter bike to work today and the hills felt easy.
2) Nobody rides a commuter bike in IM. ...Until Now.....

1) I had a new fitting on my bike to make myself more aero, faster, efficient and comfortable
2) The new fit seems to have caused me to sprain or break my thumb. Riding one handed while whining "ow" over every bump is not more efficient.

Can anybody help me solve these zen koans? Or better yet, offer up a plan?